Distribution of US Wealth

This is why our economy is lost:

Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick.
So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

Child: "Hello?" 
Boss: "Is your daddy home?"
Child: "Yes, he's out in the garden," whispered the small voice.
Boss: May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
So the boss asked, "Well, is your Mommy there?"
Child: "Yes, she's out in the garden."
The boss asked, "May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman..."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee"s home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy." whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asks the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men." responds the child.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"It's a helicopter," answered the whispering child.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Child: "The search team just landed a helicopter."
"A search team?" said the boss. "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME"

Booze of the week: Burnett's Citrus Vodka

The older I get, the more things cost, and the less cash I have left for quality booze - you know, the kind that costs $40-100 for 750mL.  Today's booze of the week is probably as cost-effective as you can get: Burnett's Citrus Vodka for $5.99 (750mL) at Trader Joes.

You're thinking, WTF, $5.99??? It must be once distilled from cow dung!  I hate to break this to you, but Burnett's vodka (made in Kentucky, USA) is quadruple distilled from grain and triple charcoal filtered.  That should be enough to clean out all the Kentucky animal dung and urine that's all over the grain the distillery uses.

Unfortunately there's not much info on this vodka, but obviously Burnett's isn't going to allocate a large marketing budget for a $6 vodka.  The true test for me was to buy it and make my wife's favorite drink, a Mango Martini.  Honestly, we would have never known if the drinks were made with Stoli or Absolut, which means the vodka was free of aftertaste and the drink went down smooth.  Furthermore, there was NO HANGOVER.  Enough said.

Drunk prank of the week: Bottle Alarm

Your humble author likes originality, and while a few of the drunk prank photos posted haven't been the most creative, this one is pretty darn good. The pranksters clearly knew one of the worst things a hungover person can wake up to is NOISE, especially coming from the last thing on his mind: BOOZE.

Craigslist humor: toilet for sale

I once blew up a friend's perfectly good toilet with an M80, which was a total riot and had us laughing for hours - not to mention the continued laughs over the years when reminiscing.  The bad part about it was having to fork over a couple hundred dollars for a new toilet, but can one really put a price on never ending laughs?  Okay, so had Craigslist been around during the aftermath of my toilet explosion prank, I definitely could have extended the prank by picking up this item on Craigslist:

Bin Laden tops the chart

After hundreds of thousands Iraqi and Afghan deaths and the ongoing suffering of thousands more, Bin Laden was finally taken out.  I'm not sure what all the celebrating is about, as nothing has changed. The US is no safer, and still hated for the decades of imperialism and middle east tyranny.  Oh, and Obama's top priority is continuing to serve the oligarchy while the US economy remains in shambles.  Anyway, on to the comedy:

Craigslist humor: Planned Parenthood protests

I'm not wild about abortion, and honesty there's nothing funny about it.  However, there's always someone out there who can find humor where you least expect it, and Craigslist is home to such individuals.